My NotSoHuman Life Without You
by school-is-my-purgatory
Summary: Bella was kidnapped from the orphanage when she was four to be food for the Volturi. When Eleazar saw her potential, she was raised with them to become a super-vampire. When she has to hide in Forks, what happens? New Moon AU. ExB
1. Welcome to the end

HPOV (Heidi's)

I walked down the empty streets of whatever god-forsaken town I was in now. I was looking for humans to bring back to Volterra.

I already had some back in the limo, but not enough. I needed one more.

For some reason, Aro had recently taken a liking to children, so I was on my way to an orphanage. They were the easiest places to sneak into and the children weren't missed.

Soon I had reached the building. I scaled the wall to get to a window on the second floor. There, asleep on an army cot, was a little girl, about four-years-old. She had wavy brown hair splayed about her face. She looked simply mouthwatering.

I slipped open the window and grabbed the girl. She stirred, but we were back at the limo before she had time to wake up fully.

I shoved her in the first seat available, got in the front of the limo and was soon flying through the streets.

Strangely enough, there was no crying coming from the back, not even from the little girl. Good. At this rate, we would reach Volterra by morning.

BPOV (as a four-year-old)

What was going on? One minute I was going to sleep on my cot, and the next thing I knew, I was in a limo speeding away.

I had always been mature and overly smart for my age, so I didn't cry, instead I looked around.

I wasn't alone, but that was about all I could tell. It was so dark, and I was so tired.

I didn't really want to go to sleep, but there was nothing better to do.

sunrise

The sun was just coming up as I awoke. The car was stopping.

Soon we were walking down a long and glamorous hallway. The lady who had been driving was now acting like we were on a tour.

I could tell she was lying. I knew we were all in danger. Why wasn't anyone running? was getting scared, but no one else seemed to notice.

We were now about to walk through two huge doors. As each person went through, a man standing there would look at them and then wave them through.

As I walked by him, his eyes got all big.

"This one." He said. The lady told me to go stand by him. I did.

Before long, everyone else had gone through the doors. The man had me walk down more halls with him. He brought me to a small room with a chair and a table with food on it. He told me to wait there and that I was welcome to eat. Then he left.

I ate a bigger meal than I ever had before at the orphanage, even though it all tasted disgusting. I was still so full that I fell asleep.

*~*~*

I awoke to someone coming in. Quickly, I glanced at the door to see the man from earlier.

"Hello young one. I'm Eleazar. What's your name?"

I didn't answer. I didn't trust this man.

"Come on, you can trust me."

I shook my head and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Oh well. I just wanted to say welcome to your new home, Volterra."

**A/N: Hey. Sorry everybody. This story will take a while to get going. Please just give it a while. Reviews=love.**


	2. My life, if you really want to know

**A/N: Hey everybody. Wow, I love you all. I've only had this story up for a day and I already have three reviews. They all were nice. Even the mean ones were nice, if that makes any sense? Anyway, here you go, a new, much longer update. You all deserve it.**

13 years later

"Wake up Bella."

I woke up to see Gianna looking down at me.

"Yes, ma'am." I dragged myself out of bed. Three more years. That was it. Come on, I can make it three more years.

I hated the hand life had dealt me. When I was four, I had come here to be a vampire's next meal. Eleazar had seen my and told Aro that I had amazing potential.

So I had spent the next thirteen years of my life learning all about vampires.

I would stay like this until I was twenty. Then Aro would change me. Right now, though, I was seventeen.

Aro was trying to create some kind of super-vampire. I had almost-super strength from all the weight lifting Aro had me do. I had almost-super human speed from sprinting at least ten miles a day. I was super smart. Aro was teaching me everything he knew. I could speak ten languages.

I had awesome eyesight from a weird experiment Aro had pulled. I could smell really well, again from an experiment.

I even acted like a vampire, which wasn't surprising since I had lived with them for thirteen years.

When I was scared or shocked, I froze. No screaming. No running.

I moved like a vampire; quick yet graceful. My whole life had depended on not tripping. One cut and it would be the end of me.

Apparently Aro thought that if I was this powerful as a human, I would be fantastic as a vampire.

Couple this with the fact that I was supposed to be _super_ powerful once I was changed, Aro had the perfect weapon. Growing up with the Volturi ensured my loyalty.

Now, if I was only happy with my life, I thought as I got dressed in the complete darkness. (Another of Aro's tests. Supposedly, if I went through my whole life in the darkness, it would improve my night vision. I lived in darkness.)

I flitted down the hallway after gulping down a breakfast of who-knows-what. Vampires are terrible cooks. I was used to it by now.

I was headed for my classes. I was 17, but my schedule was nothing like what you would expect.

4-6 a.m. - run (7 miles)

6:01-7a.m. – lift (workout: push-ups, pull-ups, weights, the works)

7:01-10 a.m. – lessons with Aro

10:01-12:30 – language and lunch

12:31-4 p.m. –talents

4:01-7:30 p.m. –reading (informational only, and yes, this too in the dark)

7:31-8 p.m. – dinner

8:01-9 p.m. – combat

9:01-11 p.m. – running (sprinting the whole time) and shower

11:01- 3:45 – sleep

So yes, my life was miserable. I mean, all of that was bad, but in the _dark_??? That was just cruel. And the pattern never changed.

I only got four hours and forty-five minutes of sleep each night. I'm sure you're also wondering about the talents class.

Here's the thing. It turns out that I'm powerful even as a human. I have a mental shield. It blocks my mind from any sort of mental attack. Aro is trying to teach me to project.

Humans aren't supposed to be able to project, but after 13 years of practice, I can. I can even take my shield off for short periods of time.

I walked outside to go running with Felix. I was right on time, and soon we were off.

I was getting faster every day. Now, Felix was even forced to jog a little bit.

After two hours, we were finally finished. My lungs were heaving, but I wasn't really that tired.

I had exactly one minute before I had to be in the weight room. Even though I had just finished sprinting seven miles, I ran to my next class.

"You are ten seconds late." Was the only greeting I got from Demetri.

"Yes, sir." That was one of the only two things that I was allowed to say; the other being 'yes ma'am'.

"Why?"

"Because I am an insignificant little human who should have been drained thirteen years ago." I recited the long-memorized insult.

"Exactly. You will make up for this by adding ten of whatever you do to your workout, but I expect you to finish at the same time as usual."

"Yes, sir."

Inside my head I groaned. I was going to be sooo sore. Now I had to do 310 sit-ups and push-ups in one minute, 110 pull-ups in one minute, 910 butterflies with 50 pounds in each and in three minutes, and hold a 110 pound weight straight out in front of me for ten minutes. Then I had to repeat it all until time was up.

I did.

"Good enough." Demetri said. "You are now dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

I sprinted to my next class. This time I wasn't late.

"Bella, are you ready?"

"Yes, sir."

"Today we will be discussing the civil war from a human's view, and then from a vampires."

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, let us begin…"

*~*~*

Three hours later I stumbled out of the classroom, my head spinning with dates, battles, and anything else war-related, but soon I was once again running through the pitch-black corridors, to my language class.

Today I was getting a lesson on prefixes and suffixes in Russian. Joy. Russian always seemed to tie my tongue in knots.

*~*~*

Two hour later I ran out of class, my tongue sore. Soon I was in my room shoving the goo-that-was-my-lunch down my throat.

I zoomed right back out of my room. I had three minutes to get to the other side of the castle for talents.

We were timing how long I could hold my shield out. I'm guessing about two hours.

*~*~*

It turns out I'm stronger than I thought. I held my shield out for three of the three and a half hours of class. Next I had reading.

Since when did somebody have to be on time for reading? (eye roll)

Today Aro had me reading thick medical journals. This was not only to teach me things, but it also was so I could learn to retain information. At the end of each week I would be quizzed on what I had read. Ugh…it was sooo boring…and dark.

*~*~*

The next thing I was aware of was being awakened by a _very_ livid Aro.

"You fell asleep _girl._"

"Yes, sir."

"You do know what this means, right?"

"Yes, sir." No, sir.

"You are to go to Jane and take your shield down for ten _whole _minutes."

"Yes, sir." PLEASE NO!!!

I set off in the direction of Jane's room. I knocked on her door.

"What do you want, _Human_?"

"Aro sent me."

"Oh goodie!" She came bouncing out of her room. "Ten minute, right?"

I nodded. Her glee was rolling off her in waves. It was sickening.

*~*~*

I'll spare you the gory details. Let's just say that that it was horrible, terrible, and easily the second worst thing that ever happened to me, the first being coming here.

And now, if I didn't run, I wouldn't have time to eat dinner.

It was really a wasted effort. I was still late to the class that you _really_ didn't want to be late for.

"Girl, you are two minutes late." Alec yelled.

"Yes, sir."

He led me over to a circle on the floor.

"Here are the rules: I get to hit you once for every two seconds you were late. You were two minute late, so I get to hit you sixty times. If you scream or cry out, I double it."

"Yes, sir." I said, dreading what was coming next.

The first hit was to my stomach. Pain exploded inside me.

"One." Alec said, grinning sadistically.

The second punch hurt more. It was to the right side of my face.

"Two"

The third punch hit the other side of my face.

"Three."

My side.

"Four."

My other side.

"Five."

My stomach again.

"Six."

And so he continued, in a twisted pattern. Stomach, face, face, side, side, stomach.

I couldn't help it. I screamed.

"Tsk. Tsk. You just doubled your pain. If you want to be a vampire, you must learn to suffer in silence."

"Yes, sir." I chocked out. He grinned again.

*~*~*

I finally got out of combat class, covered in bruises. That was my least favorite class. Basically, a vampire would attack me, and I had to see how long I could dodge. I usually lasted about five seconds, which was surprisingly good. Then I just attacked a punching bag for the rest of class.

Now all I had to do was run for an hour and a half and I could shower and sleep.

Luckily, running came easily to me. If I had struggled, I would have never made it. Before long I was in the shower, the water pounding against my sore skin and causing me to cry silently, suffering in silence like a good little almost-vampire.

I think I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

*~*~*

**A/N: Okay, so there's the next installment. Don't forget to review, they are what keep me writing and give me ideas. Cyber-hugs :D**

**~school-is-my-pergatory**


	3. Moving

**A/N: Hey. Is everyone as happy as me? I saw New Moon yesterday, and it was **_**two million**_** times better than Twilight. Also, I have awesome readers who leave awesome reviews. Anyway, since I'm in such a good mood, you guys get THREE updates. So what have we learned from this? Reviews=updates.**

I woke up, once again, with a worried Gianna hovering over me.

"Master Aro would like to speak to you."

"Yes, ma'am." I replied, getting up. Tears immediately started streaming down my face. My mouth opened in a silent scream. The punches from yesterday had turned to bruises and all my muscles were sore.

"NOW, girl."

"Yes, ma'am."

I shoved myself to my feet, tears still flowing freely. I didn't need to change clothes. My clothes were washed once a week. Other than that, I wore the same thing no matter what I did.

I started to eat breakfast, but Gianna shoved me forward, telling me that I could come back to eat later. Wow, this must be serious.

I raced down the hallways and was soon outside the thrown room. I knocked on the huge wooden doors.

"Come in." Came Aro's singsong voice.

I walked inside, taking in my surroundings. Strangely Aro was the only person there, save for Retena.

"Ah, Human. Just who I wanted to see. Come forward."

I walked slowly up to his thrown.

"I see you were late for combat yesterday." He said, eyeing my bruises. I winced from the memory.

"Yes, sir."

"Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush any longer. Here's the problem:

"The Volturi castle will be under attack within the month. We can't have all of our hard work go to waste, so I'll have to send you to a safe place. I am going to send you to an old friend of mine, Charlie. He lives in Forks, Washington. You will stay with him for a year, when we will be sure to have cleaned up after the battle. You will be posing as a teenager in high school.

"Even though you will be in the U.S., you will still be under our supervision and will also continue your lessons with Charlie as your teacher. You will train before and after school. I expect you to be improving, not deteriorating.

"Know that Charlie is aware of the harsh methods we are sometimes forced to use with you and has no aversion to using them.

"Because you have never even been outside of the castle since you were four, we will add one hour to your studies to go observe high school students. Today we will watch from one to two p.m. Now, if you hurry, you will have time to eat before your classes, which now start at three a.m."

"Yes, sir."

"I expect to see you back here at one. You are dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

I walked out of the thrown room, bouncing with anticipation. I was actually going to get out of here, if only for an hour.

I was almost late for running...and every other class I had. Luckily, one o'clock came before I had time to actually be late.

"Welcome, Human." Aro said as I met with him for the second time today.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now when we get outside, simply follow me. Try to act natural."

"Yes, sir." _Oh that will be _so _easy. I mean, act natural, that will be simple after not even being outside for thirteen years._

___I followed Aro down a hallway, jittery from adrenalin._

___Before long, we were in an elevator, heading down to the ground level of the castle._

___Soon we were in the reception area of the castle...and there were windows. It was cloudy outside, so Aro wouldn't sparkle and the light didn't entirely kill my eyes, but they still hurt._

___I gasped as we walked outside. Sights and smells overwhelmed my super-sensitive senses. I wrinkled my nose. The streets smelled like people...and garbage. Eww._

___Aro laughed when he saw my expression._

___"Yes. I knew you would be able to smell it too. It's a pity most humans can't. Maybe then they would actually clean up our world. Oh well. You get used to it._

___"Now try not to gaze at everything openmouthed. People might not be as observant as us, but they aren't that unobservant."_

___I closed my mouth quickly._

___"Look around you at how people walk. Compare it to how you're walking. See the difference? Try to fix that. Adjust your stride to theirs."_

___I looked at a little girl walking past me. She stumbled every few steps. I mimicked her. Thank goodness I had always been a fast learner. Soon I was stumbling along like your everyday human._

___"You'll pass. Now come on. We're going to catch the tail end of a high school lunch and then watch a class."_

___"Yes, sir."_

___"Oh, and you'll have to work on that as well. You are still restricted to two sayings while in the presence of a superior. However, you must learn to act normal around humans."_

___"Yes, sir."_

___"Follow me."_

___We walked until we reached a large building. There was a sign out front reading: Volterra High School._

___Aro led me to a window. Sound assaulted my ears, which were trained to pick up every little sound._

___I listened in on every conversation and was surprised by how rude everyone was. There was no respect. I could already tell that I wouldn't fit in. I could never drop the respectful demeanor that I had worked thirteen years to acquire._

___Great._

___ *~*~*_

___We were walking back to the castle, still stumbling slightly, never falling. I was nervous about going to high school. I knew I would never fit in, but then again, when had I ever? I didn't fit in here, as the only real human. I had never even seen myself in a mirror before. What did I look like?_

___I sighed with relief as we stepped back into the elevator. My eyes stopped hurting and I switched my stride back to normal._

___"Hurry, Human. You're going to be late for languages."_

___I took off running. Oh, it felt so good at normal pace after spending an hour walking so slowly. I wondered how bad it would be when I had to go through a whole school day like this._

___ *~*~*_

___The whole week passed like that. Bruises now covered my arms, legs, and everywhere else. These were caused by my losing another hour of sleep each night. I always fell asleep while reading and was thus late for combat._

___I was a natural at acting human, but I knew I would still stand out. Most people had been given their whole life to be human. I had relearned how to be human in seven hours._

___Yet finally, the day had come. I really couldn't hold it off any longer. Sure, my life here was bad, but at least I knew the patterns. Where I was heading, there would be a new schedule, less sleep (to fit in classes and school), and all in an unknown place._

_"__Human! Pay attention." Heidi snapped, jerking me out of my thoughts._

_"__Yes, ma'am."_

_"__You must blend in when you get there so that no one asks questions. I will be changing your appearance while I update you on the cover story."_

___She spun me around to face a mirror, and I saw myself for the first time._

___After watching the high-school humans, I had created an imaginary me in my head. This me had looked like the average human. I had blond hair and blue eyes. My skin had a slight flush and was a healthy tan. I had loved this version of me._

___The person I saw now was terrifying._

___I was covered head-to-toe in bruises. I had brown eyes and brown hair. I didn't know how long my hair was, it was still in the bun that I had been forced to wear since I got here. I was pale. As pale as a vampire. In fact, if it weren't for my brown eyes and utterly plain looks, I could have passed as a vampire._

___Heidi let my hair down and it tumbled down my shoulders. It had permanent waves from being up for so long, and brushed the floor when I moved._

___She just trimmed the very ends and then showed me how to layer it to seem as though it only came to my lower back. I would only be allowed to have it like this when at school. At home, I would still have to have my hair up as a sign of respect and submission._

___Heidi continued around me, changing things about me here and there, all the while talking._

_"__You are Isabella Marie Swan." She said. I snorted. That wasn't my name. I had never told anyone my real name and didn't really plan on it._

_"__You are the daughter of Chief of Police: Charlie Swan. When you were one, your parents got divorced and you moved to Arizona with your mother: Renee Dwyer, but you kept your father's last name. The reason you never got a tan is because your father is part albino, which explains his pale skin and red eyes._

_"__You loved Arizona and hate the cold and wet, but your mother got remarried to Phil. He plays minor-league baseball and travels a lot. Your mother would stay with you, but you could tell she wanted to be with him, so you moved to Forks with your dad._

_"__You miss Arizona and wish you could go back, but you promised your mom that you would stay for at least a year. As soon as the year is up, you plan to move back. This will explain why you leave so soon._

_"__There. You'll pass." She said, as she finished. I turned to look at myself in the mirror again. Nothing much had changed, but I looked slightly less ragged. The only fixable problem left was my clothing. As, if she had read my mind, Heidi threw me a pile of black cloth._

_"__Change into that. When you move, you will start wearing all black. You will show no emotion. You will be reclusive. While this might raise questions, they will be ones that can be easily answered. You simply don't see why you should pretend to be happy when you're not. You just can't wait to get back to Arizona. This will cause you to become a social outcast. This will prevent people from getting too close to you and realizing how different you are."_

___Heidi explained all of that while I changed; trying not to cry out in pain each time I bumped one of my bruises._

___ *~*~*_

___I was sitting on the airplane after Heidi had dropped me off here. I had opened the black carry-on she had given me before leaving. In it was an iPod, a laptop with all of the details of my life in Arizona that I had to memorize, and three changes of clothes._

___I had already memorized all the details and was now just sitting there listening to my iPod, and ready to start my new life._


	4. Numbness

___**A/N: So this next chapter is short, but really important. Make sure to read the A/N at the bottom. It explains everything.**_

___One year later_

___I screamed into the dirt and moss, tears streaming down my face. My life, my Edward, was gone. He didn't love me. The only bright spot in my terrible life didn't love me. He never had. I was just another distraction._

___Just a human. Only a human. Always a human. One step behind everyone else. Unwanted, and unneeded. He had made me feel alive. He had made life worth living. I had been about to tell him. Tell him about my life. How I already knew. How I had always known. How he didn't have to worry about human experiences. That this was the most human I had ever had the privilege of being._

___Then he left. They would come for me later, the Volturi. They were coming today. I would go with them. I wouldn't complain. They would fabricate my death to better explain my disappearance. No one would miss me. No one would care. And that was how it was supposed to be. That was what had been planned._

___I would go back to my old life. I would be obedient. I would listen. I would do as I was told. And I wouldn't rebel. I wouldn't care enough to hate my life. I would be unfeeling, and Aro would be happy. He wanted the perfect assassin. I was now officially perfect. I would do whatever I was told, with no thought for myself._

___Because I didn't care whether I lived or died. And that made me deadly._

___Just then, I felt two strong white arms pick me up and set me on my feet. They made me run all the way to the airport. And I didn't care, didn't feel. I didn't notice the agony that came with every breath from so much running. Didn't notice the exhaustion of my body. Didn't care about the pain all over from all the beatings I had continued to receive from Charlie. Didn't hear Demetri explaining that now, in addition to my classes, I was now a servant as well. Serving the vampires of Volterra._

___Didn't hear. Didn't feel. Didn't care. Didn't notice._

___Only Edward. Always Edward. Only the gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be. Only pain. Always pain. Edward. Always numb. Emotionless. Only pain. Always pain. Always Edward. I love you, Edward._

___**A/N: Okay, so a SUPER-sad ending in my opinion. Don't worry, this is not the last we'll hear of Edward. **_

___**Just to clear a few things up:**_

___**This story follows about the same line as Twilight so far. Everything happened the same except Bella started out as an outcast. She never made any friends outside of the Cullens. When she went home, she and Charlie would train in the woods. Charlie didn't hit her on the face or hands, so as long as Bella wore long sleeves and pants, which she was required to, no one could see the bruises. Edward never found out.**_

___**They still love each other just as much. Bella made up an excuse as how she 'guessed' that he was a vampire. Edward would only watch her sleep for a couple hours and never realized that she got only two and a half hours of sleep a night. Sorry, I know that it's kind of improbable, knowing Edward, but let's just pretend that Bella's a REALLY good actress.**_

___**As for James, Bella e-mailed the Volturi, as she had been commanded to do every week, and told them the problem. They killed James and convinced the Cullens that it had been another vampire that had been mad at him.**_

___**Next chapter is Edward's POV**_

___**Hope that helped.**_

___**Review!!!**_

___**: D ~school-is-my-purgatory**_


	5. Buckets

___**A/N: Here you go. Just as I promised, this chapter is Edward's POV. I love you all.**_

___six months later_

___EPOV  
_

___I sat on my couch, not feeling anything. My mind was on a loop track, constantly replaying my last seconds with her. How she had been in so much pain. She probably hated me. She would move on. She had to. She would get married and be a mom. She would live a happy human life. She deserved one. She would die of old age._

___And I would die too. I wouldn't outlive her by long. Maybe I would get lucky. Maybe she was right and I did have a soul. Maybe I would get to go to heaven and see her again, for she would surely go to heaven. Maybe I would see her again._

___But would she believe me? Heaven could become Hell in seconds. If I ever saw her again, could she possibly forgive me for lying to her? I would spend eternity begging, apologizing, if that's what it would take._

___But how could she believe me so easily? After all the times I had told her I loved her, did it really only take one word to changed her mind? Was she really that unsure of herself? Then I remembered._

___Of course she was that unsure of herself. I had heard it in her words when she spoke. See it in her eyes when I stared into them; her ice eyes. I remembered so clearly the way they had looked when I had first seen them._

I had been sitting next to her in biology, trying desperately to not kill her, when she had looked at me.

Her eyes had a layer of emotionless ice over them. Ice that covered her real feelings. Ice that only came from years of being an outcast and felling unwanted. Ice that covered you and allowed you to feel nothing. But her ice wasn't very thick.

Underneath the ice, her eyes were a storm of emotion. The water under the ice. The water was screaming. The water was pain. Betrayal. Fear. Insignificance. Acceptance. Hoplessness.

It had scared me. I had never seen eyes like that, and I had no idea of what had caused it. I couldn't even read her mind.

Throughout the time I had been with her, the ice had slowly thickened, but, just as with real ice on a lake, the water was never gone. You may even get to the point where the ice is so thick that you can no longer see the water. But does that mean the water is gone? No. The water was never gone. I just hope that the ice continued to thicken as I was gone.

And then her words. The words she spoke really gave her away. I remembered the one time that I had spoken to her about the hopelessness behind her eyes.

I had asked her why she was always so sad, even when she was happy. Her next words had cut me apart, to realize that she thought that way. That she was actually that sad beneath the ice.

_flashback_

_She had sighed._

"_I wouldn't expect you to understand. Not until you've been through what I have."_

_I opened my mouth to ask what she meant, but she signaled for me to be quiet._

"_Hmm. How to explain? I guess it would be best to use an analogy._

"_We start of our lives out in a bucket of sorts. You're at rock bottom. So you start climbing up. Your life gets better. You climb up the walls and discover that there's a platform at the top. You can stay at the top as long as you want. You can be happy._

"_But eventually you're going to get curious. It's just the way of the world. You wonder what's on the other side of the platform. So you look. And suddenly, you've fallen. Without even realizing it, you've fallen off your platform._

"_But there's something underneath you to catch you. You find out that where you started off wasn't rock bottom; that underneath the bucket you were in before is just another bucket. You can try to climb to the top of this one too, but you realize that underneath this bucket is another one, and another after that._

"_There's no point to climbing to the top, because eventually you'll fall again, and you'll be even worse off than now. So you stay at the bottom and remind yourself that you aren't as bad off as you could be. If you ever forget that, your bucket's bottom will fall out, and you fall even further, but without the good memories to keep you going._

"_Edward, I took a chance with you. I climbed out of my bucket for the first time since I was four. I'm on my platform. But I'm going to fall Edward. It's inevitable. I guess I just have to enjoy these time while I have them, as they'll be the only thing keeping me going once I fall."_

_And then she had smiled the most heartbreaking smile at me, and I had almost cried._

_end flashback_

_You idiot._ I cursed myself. _Of course she was that unsure of herself._

But she had been right. Almost. I agreed with just about everything, except the part about never reaching rock bottom. I would know. There was no low lower than this. I had reached rock bottom.

"Quick, everybody. Come downstairs. You too Edward." Alice called from below me.

I trudged down the stairs to the lowest floor. The TV was on.

It was turned to a news channel, and talking about a house fire that had occurred in a small town six months ago and how two people had died. Alice was sitting on the couch, crying.

I asked her what was wrong, but she just pointed at the screen. It was now showing pictures of the two people who had died.

Bella and her father had died the same day that I had left.

And just like that, the bottom fell out of my bucket, as promised by Bella herself.

**A/N: See? The story's picking up. Wow, this is going fast.**


	6. Death's doorstep

**A/N: Okay, so I won't be able to update as much as I did yesterday, but I'll try to give you at least one a day. Be warned that my mom is always complaining that I am on the computer too much.**

**Anyways, here you go!**

EPOV

"Why didn't I see this coming?" Alice wailed. "I could have stopped this!"

I was mad, but I knew it wasn't really her fault. I was the one who had left her. I was the one who had commanded Alice not to look. I was the one who had caused all of this.

I knew what was going to happen next. I wasn't going to live in a world where she didn't exist. My family wouldn't kill me, of that I was sure.

I could go to the Volturi. It wouldn't be hard, though Aro would probably try to convert me at first, but at worst I could provoke them.

I started walking towards the door.

"Wait, Edward!" Alice called. I wouldn't let her stop me. I couldn't. But then again, maybe I could let her talk to me. I could always run later. I was faster than her.

"What Alice?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to stop you." She called, catching up to me. "I'm coming with you."

I whirled around in shock.

"What?!"

"Bella was my sister. I don't want to live with the guilt that if I had stayed, I could of saved her, but I didn't. I want to die too. I'm coming with you."

I looked up to see my family standing around, looking at her in shock. Then Jasper stepped forward.

"I'm coming too. I was the one who pounced on her. If I hadn't attacked her, we wouldn't have left. She was my sister too, and I don't want to live without Alice."

I was too surprised to even attempt speech. Then Esme stepped forward.

"I don't want to live without my daughter. I miss her too much, and soon I'll be missing two daughters and two sons. I'd like to come as well."

Carlisle came forward with his mate.

"I'm not living without most of my family and my mate."

"Okay." I said, beyond being shocked.

Emmett came up next.

"I'm coming too." He said, leaving it at that.

"Well I'm not living without my family and my mate. Plus, I feel absolutely horrid for the way I treated Bella. It wasn't her fault she fell in love with you."

And Rosalie stepped forward to complete the family once again. Together we took off running. We were running to death with open arms. We were running to oblivion.

We were running to Bella, the human that had changed us all in ways we would have never imagined.

**A/N: I thought about ending it there, but y'all deserve better.**

At the same time in Volterra

BPOV

I ran down the halls at my fastest speed yet. I was getting faster every day. I was getting stronger too, and smarter, and skinnier, and more bruised.

I didn't care.

I no longer felt the pain that came with each of Alec's punches.

I fell asleep every day in reading. I would go to Jane, and then be late for combat. Alec would hit me, and I would take it in silence.

After my classes, I would just wander aimlessly trough the halls, listening for a bell. Vampires would ring one when they needed me, and I would come running.

I would do as they said, as quickly as possible. Then, at 2:45 a.m., I would go to bed for one hour.

Pain came from every movement. My muscles ached, my face hurt, my head spun, my eyes weighed a ton.

I couldn't feel any of it.

I had improved in combat. My numbness sharpened my reflexes. I had no pesky emotions clouding my judgment. I could now last a whole twenty seconds in the ring with a vampire.

I had improved with my shield. I was learning how to make it become solid to protect me from physical as well as mental attacks. Once again I was good at it.

I didn't care.

My life was empty. No, my life was gone. Ed- He was my life. He left. This was all that was left.

I didn't blame him. I couldn't. I loved him too much, and I understood. I was an outcast, and I deserved to be one. My parents hadn't even wanted me. They had given me up so they could travel the world.

I didn't fit in as a human. I was too much like a vampire. I didn't fit in as a vampire. I was too much like a human. Edward didn't love me. My parents didn't love me. The vampires that raised me didn't love. I was unloved, and I deserved it.

I should have listened to myself. I should have stayed at the bottom of my bucket. I would have been safe, but I climbed to the top. I let Edward convince me that I was something, that I was important. I knew the fall was coming, but I didn't know that it was so far down.

I was further down now than I had ever been before.

But I was numb. I was in pain, but I was numb. The only thing that scared me was the knowledge that I wasn't as far down as I could be. There was no ultimate low.

A bell rang out from further down the hall, and I sped up even more. I was now not only a student, but a slave.

I wanted to die. I would take death with a smile, but there was something stopping me.

Maybe, I two years, when I was a vampire, I would be loveable. Maybe then someone would want me.

And maybe all the punches were going to my head, but it was all I had left. It was the only thing separating me from death.

A useless hope. A hope that would be destroyed as soon as it was disproven, and then I would be stuck, because to prove my hope, I would have to be a vampire.

And we all know how hard it is to kill a vampire.

**A/N: So there you go. Bella will see the Cullens again in the next chapter. I'm so happy!!!**


	7. Saving you to save me

**A/N: Okay, first, there is one thing I forgot to say last chapter. When Bella got back, Aro made her take down her shield so he could see all she had done. He knows all about Bella's love for Edward.**

EPOV

My family and I had been running for two days, but we were finally at Volterra. We had waltzed right up to the castle and asked to see Aro. As of right now, we were waiting for him to acknowledge our presence.

"Master Aro is ready, if you'll just follow me." Heidi called from two wooden doors.

We stood up and quickly followed her down the hallway. I kept getting whiffs of Bella's scent, but I brushed it off, knowing that she'd never been here before.

"Aro is right inside these doors." Heidi said. She then turned and walked out.

Alice turned to me as we walked inside.

"What time is it?"

"It's one a.m., why?"

"I honestly don't know, it just suddenly seemed important."

"Maybe you just wanted to know what time it was when you died."

"I guess that makes sense." She said, and turned away. _But I don't think that was it._ She thought towards me.

I frowned. Why did it matter anyway? Hopefully we would be dead in a few minutes.

"Welcome to Volterra!" Aro sang from his perch on his throne. "Carlisle, this is a surprise."

"Yes Aro, I'm sad to say that the reason for our visit is not happy."

"Oh, and what would that reason be?"

"My family and I have come today to plead for death."

Aro looked shocked. I took a peek into his mind, just to see what was going on.

_What?! Wait, this could be good. Maybe one of them will join me. The Human won't be happy if I kill them, but then again, she never has to know._

"Well, this definitely comes as a shock. Perhaps I could convince you to change your minds? Maybe some of you would like to join the guard? You would all be welcomed."

"No thank you." Carlisle said, "I'm sorry, but could you please give us an answer? Would you be willing to kill us?"

"Carlisle, you are my good friend. I would hate to see you die, but if that is really what you want, I would never deny someone who truly wished to die."

Just then, a cold, cruel laugh came from behind us. My family spun around, only to stop dead in our tracks.

I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it.

But no, there, her scent was unmistakable as she walked strait past us.

Bella.

**A/N: Once again, I thought of leaving it there, but I'm not that mean.**

BPOV

I sighed in exhaustion as I walked down the halls, once again listening for a bell.

But just then, my ears caught a Aro's voice, coming from the room where he speaks to visitors.

I listened for another voice and froze in shock.

Carlisle. What was he doing here? I raced to the door to listen in, the wall behind my emotions bursting.

"My family and I have come today to plead for death."

I gasped in shock. What?

But then Aro's voice came again, and I stopped thinking to listen.

"Well, this definitely comes as a shock. Perhaps I could convince you to change your minds? Maybe some of you would like to join the guard? You would all be welcomed."

"No thank you." Carlisle said, "I'm sorry, but could you please give us an answer? Would you be willing to kill us?"

I started inching the doors open. I couldn't let that happen. The Cullens were the only things keeping me alive.

"Carlisle, you are my good friend. I would hate to see you die, but if that is really what you want, I would never deny someone who truly wished to die."

And now seemed like the perfect time to intervene.

I let out a cold laugh, and gave the Cullens time to whirl around before walking towards Aro. I did not allow my eyes to stray from Aro's face. If I saw any of them, I would break.

"Aro," I began, in a deceptively calm voice, "You can't kill them. I won't let you."

Aro just looked back at me, amusement in his eyes.

"Oh really, dear Human? And what exactly were you planning on doing about it."

"Don't test me. You know exactly how far I will go. You saw it in my mind. I would take death with a smile, but I won't go without a fight if their life is on the line."

"Tsk, tsk. Fine. I will compromise. I will allow them to stay for three days to better think over their choice, but dear Human, do you have any idea exactly how many words you just said that you weren't allowed to?"

I did. I had known this was coming. I had counted my words.

"Forty-seven." I replied calmly, "but now it's fifty-four."

"Exactly. Now, fifty-four, divided by two, since it's one minute for every two words, is twenty-seven."

"Yes, sir." I said, not looking forward to this.

"Also, before you leave, I would like you to please recite the words you are allowed to say."

I sighed. "Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am."

"Good, and why is it like this?"

I was allowed to say this as well. It used to not hurt, but now that I knew just how true it was, it hurt a lot.

"Because I am an insignificant little human who should have been drained fourteen years ago."

"Exactly." Aro sang, and I think I heard a growl from behind me, but I ignored it.

"You are now dismissed Human, go talk to Jane. Remember, twenty-seven minutes."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Carlisle, you and your family are now dismissed as well. Heidi will lead you to your temporary rooms. If you are in need of anything, just ask. If you are in need of anything between the hours of eleven and two forty-five, just ring the bell in your room."

I walked down the hall to find Jane.

**A/N: Okay, so here's your second chapter of the day. I won't be able to do this often. Sorry. You guys rock!!! Review, review, review.**


	8. Questions and Answers

**A/N: Okay, I just realized that I've only written one disclaimer. Y'all know that I don't own Twilight, so if I forget to write them from know on, you already know.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.**

EPOV

I walked out of the throne room, fuming. I couldn't believe that Aro had treated my Bella like that. And that Bella had taken it, almost as if she was used to it. I wondered how long she'd been here.

My Bella. She was alive. It had taken me a second to realize it, because she hadn't looked at me. I still hadn't seen her face, but I was determined to. We were going to be here for three days right? My thoughts turned hopeful, but then I remembered that she was here. In Volterra.

I was angry again.

My family was looking at me funny. I turned to them.

"Family meeting when we get back to our rooms." They all nodded, and we continued down the hall in silence.

"Here are your rooms." Heidi said. "There are four rooms, all connected to a great room." She smiled and walked away.

My family all sat down in the great room and then the questions began.

"Was that really Bella?" Carlisle asked, and everyone turned to me for an answer.

"Yes." I replied easily.

"What was she doing here?" asked Esme, concerned.

"I don't know."

"Why are you so angry?" Jasper asked.

"How can I not be? Did you see the way Aro treated her? She's only allowed to say three phrases. That terrible!"

"What did Aro mean when he was talking about minutes." This time it was Alice.

I growled. "Bella is only allowed to say three phrases. For every two words she says that aren't those phrases, she has to spend a minute with Jane."

"What do you mean?" It was Emmett.

"I mean that for every two words she says, she has to spend a minute with Jane torturing her."

"What?" Rosalie hissed.

"And she knew it too!" Alice wailed.

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked. Surely she wouldn't have done that for us had she known the consequences.

"Edward, she counted her words as she said them. Did you not notice how there was no hesitation when he asked her. She knew exactly what she was getting into."

"And she was already in so much pain!" Jasper said, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked, turning towards him.

"I've never known someone who was in so much pain. She was even more heart-broken than you."

I stared at him. I knew he was telling the truth, I just couldn't believe it. I had put my angel through so much agony.

"Well," Carlisle said, standing up, "I guess there's really nothing we can do about it. I have a feeling that none of us want to die anymore. Let's just ask about if we will get to go hunting."

He stood up to walk out the door.

"Wait!" I called; remembering something Aro had said earlier, "It's only one thirty. We just have to ring the bell."

"Oh yeah." Carlisle walked over to see a bell by the door. He gave it a short ring.

BPOV

I stumbled away from Jane, who was now humming happily to herself.

I was planning on going back to my room, but realized I still had forty-five minutes of work.

Just then, a ring came from down a hall on my left.

I sprinted off.

EPOV

We waited for only a few more seconds until there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Carlisle called.

BPOV

Oh no. I should have known it would be them. Oh well, I can't exactly not go in. I would be in so much trouble.

_Here goes nothing._ I thought, and opened the door.

EPOV

The door slowly opened, and I turned around to talk to the vampire.

Except in wasn't a vampire.

There, in the doorway, was my Bella.

Except not.

I knew it was her from the smell, but if not for that I would have never recognized her.

Her face was covered in bruises. In fact, every visible part of skin was black and blue.

"Yes, sir?"

"Bella?" I asked, fuming.

"Yes, sir."

"You can stop that, I won't restrict to three phrases."

She remained silent and looked down at her feet.

"Bella, please look up. I've gone long enough without seeing your face."

She remained silent.

"Bella." I went over to her and placed my fingers under her chin. "Please." I said. I tilted her head up.

The look in her eyes cut through to my heart. The ice was gone, and the pain had tripled. Hopelessness reigned dominant.

"Please." She whispered, her voice weak and tired. "If you would just tell me what you called for, I will be on my way."

"Wait, you're the servant here?"

"Yes, sir."

"Bella…"

"Please Edward, if you don't have anything for me to do, I need to go."

I was still frozen, so she simply slipped out of my grasp and was gone. I hadn't noticed before, but she was amazingly graceful. She was fast too. She wasn't nearly as fast as a vampire, but easily the fastest human I had ever seen. And then she was gone.

I sat down and put my head in my hands. What had happened? I had left Bella so she could have a normal human life. This was nothing like I had planned.

All the suffering I had gone through was pointless. And I probably lost my true love in the deal as well.

My life was coming to an end, and there was nothing I could do about it.

**A/N: So there you go. I'm really happy with how this is going. Reviews make me happy.**


	9. Welcome to my life without you

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update. I'm really busy right now. I won't be able to update a lot. I know; it makes me sad too. But, if you review, maybe I'll update more. :D**

BPOV

I ran far, far away from that room. What was going on? He didn't love me. He never did. So why did he act like he cared?

I just loved him so much. It had been so hard to look him in the eye and then say goodbye.

I had missed him so much. I had just wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to run back, to kiss him, to tell him I loved him, even though he didn't love me back.

Ugh! I couldn't think strait. I was too tired. I could go to sleep now. I guess I'd just have to think about it in the morning.

I ran back to my room and fell asleep almost immediately.

EPOV

I was walking up and down the hallways looking for Bella. It would have been easy, but her scent was absolutely everywhere. I would start to follow one trail, and end up at the start of another, going in endless circles.

I seemed to be on to something this time. All the scents were going in the same direction.

There! Up ahead was a small door at the end of a darkened hallway. In fact, all of the hallways were pitch black. Had I not been a vampire, I would have never been able to see. I wondered how Bella managed to go about her day.

And then I was there. The small door creaked slightly when I opened it, and I held my breath, waiting for discovery.

It never came.

I walked inside, and there, asleep on a small cot, was my Bella. This was her room? It was entirely bare. She had a cot and a door leading into a restroom. Anger clouded my vision and I had to wait to prevent myself from doing anything rash.

"Edward." It was Bella. Had she awoken? I froze, and she sighed. I relaxed as I realized that she was just talking in her sleep.

"Edward!" Her voice was suddenly panicked. "Edward wait! Come back!"

Her back arched and I thought she was going to scream, but her mouth just opened, in a show of silent agony. Tears coursed down her face.

She started to whimper quietly and it hurt my heart. Jasper had been right. She was in more pain than I had ever been in. At least I had been with my family, while she had been left with no one. How could I have done this?

I sat down to think when I heard Gianna walking down the hall. She opened the door and I ran out, watching Bella through her mind.

"Human! Wake up. NOW!"

Bella jerked awake and sat up quickly, only to scream in pain. Her bruises must have hurt. I was already seeing red when Gianna went up to her and slapped her across the face. Bella's screams cut off immediately. I almost broke the wall I was leaning on in my anger.

"You are not to make any noise. You already know this and would do well to remember."

"Yes, ma'am." Was her only response, and her voice broke twice.

She got out of bed and ate something out of a bowl that Gianna had given her. Her nose wrinkled and I had a feeling that the food wasn't very good.

She walked out of her room then and I slipped into the shadows behind her. She wouldn't be able to see me.

BPOV

I knew he had been in my room. I had smelled him as soon as I had woken up. What was he doing?

My cheek was still stinging from the slap Gianna had given me. I took off down the hallway so I would be in time for running and heard him behind me. I looked back quickly and saw him following me, sticking to the shadows where no normal human would be able to see.

But then again, I was hardly normal.

He followed me all day, and I was wondering when he would choose to reveal himself. It wasn't until I got to reading that I knew I would have to be the one to talk first.

I waited until we were alone. He was standing in the very opposite corner of the room.

I scanned my surroundings quickly to make sure I was alone before speaking.

"I know you're there, Edward. You might as well come out."

He stepped sheepishly away from the shadows and sent me a quick grin that made my heart skip a beat.

"How long have you been aware of my presence?" He asked politely.

"I know that you were in my room last night and that you've been following me all day."

He was shocked for a second, but quickly recovered.

"How did you know I had been in your room?"

"I could smell you."

"What?"

"Edward, you must have realized by now that I'm not your average human. I could see you when you were following me in the hall. I could smell you when you left my room."

"I always knew you weren't average. But tell me one thing, and please don't leave anything out. How badly did my family and I hurt you with our leaving?"

I sighed inside. I had known this was coming. I knew that he would blame himself.

"Edward, your family and you leaving only reminded me of something I already knew. I had let my vision of reality slip and it simply brought me back down to earth."

"What do you mean when you say 'something you already knew'?"

"Edward, I've always been unlovable. That's never going to change, no matter how much I want it to. I'm sure that as long as I'm human, I will never be loveable. I've always known this, but when I was in Forks, you made me think that I might actually be important. I should've known that it was coming to an end. That's one of the only reliable things in my life."

I looked up at Edward and was shocked to see that he was shaking with anger. Growls were erupting from him, and he was doing nothing to stop them.

I acted purely on instinct. Within seconds I was across the room comforting him. I was hugging him and trying very trick I knew to make him calm down.

He was slowly calming down when I suddenly realized exactly what I was doing.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I said, backing away. Quickly, I tried to change the subject.

"Anyways, that's not why I started talking to you. I just wanted to ask you to not wake me up once I fall asleep. I only get one hour of sleep a night, so this is my other sleep time." And then I curled up on the couch and tried to block out everything around me. It was considerably harder than usual. All I really wanted to do was leap up from the couch and kiss Edward with all of my freakish strength.

EPOV

I didn't know what was going on. Everything was moving to fast.

On second I was shaking with anger from Bella's comment, and the next second she was in my arms, soothing me. For a brief moment, I had been blissfully happy, and then she was gone.

She backed further away from me, apologizing. Then she was changing the subject and I was mad again when she mentioned how little sleep she got. And then she was asleep, and I was left with only me own thoughts for company.

How could she possibly think she was unlovable? Why did she get so little sleep at night? Why did I leave her again? How long had she been here?

And then something hit me. Something that cleared up most of my questions. Something that should have been glaringly obvious.

Bella was going to be a vampire. She had practically said it herself earlier. _I'm sure that as long as I'm human, I will never be loveable. Human. _She had said that as long as she washuman she would be unloved. So my leaving did nothing. She was still going to be a vampire. And it seemed like she wanted that.

Bella was going to have a lot of questions to answer for when she woke up.


	10. Letting down the Sheild

**A/N: Sorry sorry sorry! I have been SOO busy over the last week. Don't worry. Don't worry; I now have a technique for updates. I'll be able to update more. Yeah! Reviews are love.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

BPOV

I woke up, once again, with a super angry Aro above me. It was sad how I was getting used to that.

"Come on Human, you know the drill. Ten minutes, plus however many words you've said to Edward." I held out my hand without fighting. I knew that I could corporate and be fine, or not and get hurt.

I let my thoughts over the last few days flow through him as I took down my shield. This was the easiest way for Aro to keep track of my not-allowed words.

I heard a gasp from the corner and realized that Edward would be able to read my mind for a while. Great.

Then another thought occurred to me, and it took all I had to not groan out loud. Edward could not only read my mind, but Aro's as well. He wouldn't get to see me before my numb state, but he would see exactly what I had been like after he left. He would see my nightmares. He would see exactly how I felt about him.

And it would hurt not only him, but me. I knew he no longer loved me, but he was too good a person to not feel guilt. I knew he would blame himself, but it was my fault. I wasn't good enough.

And seeing him in pain would cause me pain.

But before I had time to really think about this, Aro released my hand, and I let my shield snap back.

"You owe one hundred thirty-one minutes. You will pay this off in intervals of twenty-five minutes in between reading and combat. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

I threw Edward a look that hopefully said 'see what happens when I talk to you?' but stopped when I saw that he was frozen in place.

This was my chance. If I wanted to be free of him when I 'talked' with Jane, I would have to leave now.

Before I could talk myself into staying and staring at him for a little while longer, I took off down the hallway.

Sadly, I wasn't ten steps down the hall when I heard Edward coming after me. I didn't really feel like discussing my innermost thoughts that he'd just seen with him, so I poured on the speed. Before long I was in front of Jane's door and Edward was still behind me.

I sighed. I really hadn't wanted him to see me like this. It must be creepy when instead of collapsing with pain like I used to, I could now just stare strait ahead and feel nothing.

*~*~*

I was running down the hall after twenty-five minutes of semi-torture. Edward was running behind me. He hadn't talked to me yet about the mind-reading incident with Aro, but I knew it wasn't long until he did. I just hoped he would wait until after combat. I was already thirty minutes late; and that meant-gulp-nine hundred punches.

I was not looking forward to this.

Just then I felt a hand come down on my shoulder. Within seconds I had spun around, rolled to the side, and was twenty yards from my attacker.

Except it was just Edward. He stood there looking shocked.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, sounding hurt.

I wanted to answer him but I didn't know how to do it without getting more Jane time. But then again…

Edward could read minds, and I could un-shield my mind. In fact, the only reason that I hadn't done that earlier was because I didn't want him to know how I felt him.

But after reading my mind, he already knew. So…

I tentatively let my shield down.

_Edward?_ I experimented, new to this.

He whipped his head around to look at me and I knew he had heard me. A small smile found it's way to my face, my first one since he'd left. He winced at that thought.

_Oops, sorry._ I thought at him. _It's not your fault. I'm fine._

It was a lie. We both knew it, but I chose to ignore it.

_So go ahead. I know you have questions, ask away._

He was still mad about that last thought, but I knew his curiosity would overcome that. Sure enough, the first question came in the next ten seconds.

"How long have you been here?"

_Really? You're going to waste one of your questions on an easy one like that? Oh well. I've been with the Volturi since I was four._

He growled and I sighed. Oh course that would anger him, he was _Edward._

"What do you possible mean when you say that you're unlovable?" He asked, angry.

Ugh. I knew he'd never understand until he saw the evidence. Looks like it was time for a trip down memory lane.

_I don't really expect you to understand until you've lived my life. Since we don't have time for that, I'll just show you defining moments._

And I did. I showed Edward how intelligent I had always been. I showed him how even at two, I had understood that my parents didn't want me. I showed him how I was almost drained. How Heidi had saved me. How I had grown up with this.

I showed him my time in Forks. I showed him how much I loved him. I showed him what happened after he left.

I lined up all the facts. Not one family I'd ever lived with had loved me. I showed him my nightmares. I showed him my classes.

I showed him absolutely everything.

_So that's my life; the short version. I thought, looking up._

Edward was standing there with a stricken look on his face for a few seconds before he recovered.

"One more question." He said, but I could tell he was just trying to distract me. He was hiding something.

But then again, it was hardly my place to be nosey. I focused back on what he was saying.

"Why did you react that way when I touched your shoulder?"

I showed him how for the last seven years, vampires had started randomly ambushing me. It was to keep me alert.

"Where did you learn to do that?"

Combat class. I stated matter-of-factly. Oh no, combat class! I'm late! What time is it?

"Eight forty-five." He said.

Oh gosh. I was forty-five minutes late. That meant 1350 punches. Not good. I took off at a run.

Edward was not going to like this.


	11. Conversations

**A/N: I know, I know. No excuses. I haven't been updating a lot. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I will try to update more. Sorry**

**~school-is-my-purgatory**

EPOV

"Eight forty-five." I said, wondering why she cared.

All the color left her face. She gasped aloud and then took off running down the hallway.

She soon came to a large set of double-doors. She took a deep steadying breath-why?-and walked inside.

"HUMAN!" Came a very angry voice from inside.

She seemed to snap into a different person.

"Yes, sir?" She called as she walked in, seemingly oblivious to the sadistic waves rolling off the vampire inside.

"Bella, wait!" I called, feeling the need to protect her, but she gave me a look that told me she clearly knew exactly what was going on.

"It is eight forty-five and fifty-six seconds. You know what this means?"

"Yes, sir."

"Your total is 1378."

She gulped but let no fear show on her face; instead she walked calmly over to a circle on the floor.

_Edward, please don't interfere. It will only make this take longer. Trust me, I can handle this._

Her thoughts came through once again. I nodded and went to stand at the side.

Then he punched her.

He punched her. Right in her stomach.

I growled and started to leap forward.

_NO!_ Her thoughts came through again. _Please. I can handle this. If you pounce, he'll just add more._

I could see right through her lies. It was so much easier when her mental shield was down. I could feel the pain she was already feeling.

Then her shield snapped back and I was left practically blind while the only girl, the _only _girl I had ever loved, was slowly broken.

*~*~*

He had finally finished his game. He had hit Bella one thousand, three hundred seventy-eight times. By about the fifth punch I had figured out exactly what Bella considered _handling_ this. The light had gone out in her eyes. She had stood there, completely numb, while a vampire beat her repeatedly.

And it was my fault.

If I'd never left, if I had just listened to my family, Bella wouldn't be back here.

If I had just listened to her.

She had begged me multiple times to change her. I hadn't understood then, but I did now. If she was a vampire, it would be so much harder for them to hurt her.

But I hadn't listened. I had let my own stupid thoughts get in the way. I had allowed her to go back. I had left her without protection. And now I was paying for it.

_Don't blame…yourself._ She pushed her thoughts into my head. _You didn't…know. _She was gasping with pain even in her head. I clenched my fists. Anyone would have done it. _I'm just a…human, nothing special._

I was about to yell at her for even thinking that, but Alec called her to attention just then. She threw me a knowing look before turning away.

"You have caused us to waste time. However, we will still get at least one combat session in."

"Yes, sir."

And then he flew at her. There was no warning, no time for her to react.

"Bella!" I called out, not knowing what else to be. I couldn't run to help, I would be too late. I could just watch as he got closer and closer. I watched her expression as it didn't change.

And then she moved. It was just a slight step to the side, but it was enough. Alec flew by, leaving her uninjured. He seemed unfazed as he dusted himself off and pounced again, this time aiming higher.

She somehow saw him, even though her was moving much too fast for the usual human to see. She simply dropped forward in a roll and was once again unharmed.

This went on for almost thirty seconds before her hit her. She crumpled forward but opened her mind before I ran forward again, showing me that she was okay but had to give up before she got really hurt.

"Good enough." Alec said, walking up. She remained kneeling before him. "You may go." He said, and strolled away, not looking back to see if she was too hurt to get up.

But she was fine, as promised. She walked up to me with a guilty smile on her face. I started to ask her about it, but she held up a finger to tell me to wait until we were away from Alec.

We walked a ways down the hall before I tried again.

"Bella…"

Not right now. Later, I promise. I just don't want to be late again.

So I followed her throughout the rest of her classes, waiting for her to tell me she could talk. It didn't happen until eleven p.m. that night.

I had been following her as she walked up and down the halls, slowly for the first time today. She whirled around.

_Okay. Let's talk._


	12. SORRY

**A/N: okay. I need your help. You all have the best ideas and I am completely stuck. I have a poll on what should happen next. If you have a better idea, tell me in a review. I NEED your help. It is super important in determining what happens in the next conversation. So I know y'all hate me for making you think I had posted an update and I'm so sorry. I hate it when people do that too; but if y'all don't help, there might not be another update. HELP. Please all my lovely readers. I need y'all.**


	13. Interrogations

BPOV

_Okay. Let's talk._ I thought, whirling around.

"What happened earlier? At eight forty-five?" I sighed. I had been hoping he would wait before he asked that. No such luck.

I tried to dodge the question.

_I don't know what you're talking about._

"I'm talking about when that pitiful excuse for a vampire hit you 1378 times!"

He growled low in his throat and I winced. He had been counting…or had Alec said my total aloud? I usually had a perfect memory, but that part was rather cloudy.

_It's perfectly normal Edward, really. No big deal._

Oops. I really shouldn't have said that.

"What?" His voice was deceptively calm.

I backtracked.

_I mean, you saw me get ordered around earlier, it's normal…and no, it is NOT your fault, so don't even try to blame yourself._ I wasn't sure how well this would go over with him, but I did it anyway. I let all my memories of getting hit flood back through my mind. I had been hit since I was four. Even when Edward had been a big part of my life in Forks, Charlie had still hit me and I had had to wear long sleeves and pants to cover the bruises. I was trying to show him that hi being in my life had no effect on my getting hit.

To say it didn't work would be the understatement of the century.

I had let the memories take over my sight, but now I could see Edward's reaction. There was pain etched in every corner of his face. I don't think I've ever seen that kind of pain on anyone but myself.

I once again acted on instinct. I ran forward and hugged him. I was just trying to comfort him.

EPOV

She was in my arms again, and I was whole. I knew she loved me, but she didn't know I loved her. I had been wondering about how I could get her to listen to me and to realize that I was telling the truth.

But I couldn't wait. I knew that within seconds she would run off again. I was sure she hadn't realized what she was doing yet, and I couldn't waste this chance.

I leaned down and captured her lips with mine. She seemed surprised for a second, and I tried to channel all the love and hurt I had felt since I left. She responded likewise.

BPOV

And then we were kissing, and it was beautiful.

I forgot that I was a simple human and he was a vampire. That we were in the middle of a hallway in the Volturi castle. That he had left.

I reveled in the moment, and it was pure bliss. But of course, it couldn't last. A bell rang from down the hallway. I sighed and pulled away.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear as I started to walk. I stumbled accidently for the first time in fourteen years, but was soon off again.

I wanted to believe him, more than anything, but I couldn't, not after what I'd been through.

I knocked on the door of the vampire's door.

"I would like to meet with Aro."

"Yes, sir." I said, walking off and knowing he would follow.

But my mind had been a little scrambled since the kiss, and I tripped. Edward, who had been keeping a respectful distance, ran to catch me. But he was too late.

I hardly felt the pain in my leg when I cut it on the floor. I was more focused on the face of the now-ravenous vampire that had been following me.

I tried to dodge, but this vampire was faster that Alec had been. He swooped down, grabbed my wrist, and bit.

And I was thankful for my beatings for the first time ever, or I would never have been able to think past the haze of pain that dimmed my vision and clouded my mind.

I did see Edward though. He reached the vampire about two seconds too late.

In a rage he threw the vampire away from me. He tried to come to me-maybe he was planning to suck the venom out-but the vampire was even faster than I had thought. Within a second, he was back, and blood-crazed.

I watched in awe as Edward used dozens of moves I had never seen before and easily beat the vampire.

But it was too late for me.

The venom had spread too far. There would be no saving me now.

_Oh well._ I thought, _It's only about two years before I had planned. What's two years when you have eternity? _

I closed my eyes and let the pain overwhelm me.

**A/N: I am BACK!!! Smiley face Ugh. I absolutely HATE writer's block. Thank you to all my wonderful readers who helped me. I had no idea so many people would help.**

**Anyway, I have a pretty good idea of where the story is going now, so I'm going to close the poll. I might need y'all later though.**

**Thanks,**

**School-is-my-purgatory.**


	14. changing

EPOV

Life seemed to be occurring in slow motion, but at the same time, it was moving too fast, leaving me stuck behind.

I watched as Bella tripped, and ran to catch up, but the space between us seemed to triple with every step as I watched her cut her knee. I watched the blood flow. I watched the vampire following her run forward.

I saw him bite her, and suddenly the distance between us didn't seem to matter. I reached her in two seconds, but it was still to late to stop the venom from being injected.

I couldn't stop my roar of outrage as I threw myself at the vampire who had dared to hurt my Bella.

I threw him as far as I could and then turned my attention to her. I don't know what I planned to do, I just knew I had to try to help her.

But then I was the one flying through the air as the other vampire recovered himself and attacked.

I fought harder than I ever have before. I needed to end this fight so I could get back to Bella. But the other vampire was almost as skilled as Jasper, and no matter what I threw at him, he always managed to dodge.

Jasper had almost always won our fights, but this time I had insane rage and anger on my side, plus he was always getting distracted by Bella's freshly spilt blood. So I eventually beat him.

But it was too late anyway.

The venom would have already spread too far. I picked her up gently and started running towards my family's rooms.

I threw open the door only to find my family already ready and waiting for me. Alice.

"Here, give her to me." The little pixie in question ran up and took her out of my arms without waiting for my consent. I hissed.

"Oh, put a lid on it Edward. I'm just going to get her changed. I doubt you want to present for that." She paused, then, "Let me rephrase that. I doubt she would want you to be there."

Emmett laughed. Of course he could find humor even in a situation as serious as this one.

"Calm down son." Carlisle said, coming up behind me. "Look. She's not screaming or thrashing. She's either amazingly good at hiding her pain or she's not in pain in the first place."

"Actually, Carlisle, it's neither." Jasper said, joining the circle that now consisted of Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, me, and him as Rosalie and Alice whisked Bella away.

"She's in pain-just as much as we were-but she's used to pain. She's learned to accept the pain and think around it. Though I'm sure this is the worst pain she's ever been in, I wouldn't be surprised if she could hear us now."

Alice had just come back in the room with her-now in a comfortable pair of jeans and blouse.

I looked down at her and was surprised to see the corner of her mouth twitch up in response to that last comment.

_Tell Jasper he's right._ I jumped but soon realized it was her.

"You're right." Everyone in the family turned to me.

"How do you know?" Alice asked.

"She told me."

"How?"

"Oh. Right. I never told you guys. See, Bella has a mental shield, which is why I could never read her mind, but she can control it. That's how we talk now."

"You mean I could talk to her and you could tell me what she said?" Alice crowed excitedly.

"Yep."

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry you have to go through this!"

_It's okay. I've had worse._ Her thoughts had a bitter edge to them, but I translated anyway.

"What do you mean?"

_I've been living here since I was four. Trust me; this is not the worst thing a vampire can do to you._

I translated again.

"What?!" I agreed with Alice. What did she mean?

I waited for her to response, but when it came, it confused me when it came.

_Tell Alice to pull up the sleeves on my shirt, the legs of my pants up to my knees and to let my hair out of its bun and look at the skin on my scalp._

Alice looked as confused as I felt, but did as Bella asked.

First she pulled up Bella's sleeves, and everyone gasped; even Rosalie, who had joined our circle.

Littered all across her arms were more scars than even Jasper had. All of them were bite marks.

"Bella-" Alice started, but Bella interrupted.

I'll explain once you've done everything.

Alice sighed but pulled up her pant leg. There were even more scars across her legs. We didn't want to continue, but Alice reached up and undid the bun at the top of her head.

Everyone was momentarily distracted by the length of her hair, but were quickly brought back to focus as Alice started to move her hair aside. Scars covered even the tender skin at the base of her neck.

No one spoke for a long time. Finally Bella interrupted.

_Well? Do you want an explanation or not?_

"We definitely want an explanation." I said, and everyone nodded their agreement, and then verbally agreed when they realized Bella couldn't see them.

BPOV

"We definetly want an explanation." I heard Edward say, and I listened as his family chorused their agreement.

I sighed.

_This is a long story Edward, are you sure you're up to translating it all?_

"Yes." I heard him through the pain that was still there but was slowly getting worse.

_Okay…It all started when I was seven; the first time I tried to escape._

**A/N: And…DONE!!! I'm trying to make up for all the lack of updates last week. Hope you like it. The next chapter will probably just be Bella's story. I haven't decided whose POV to do it from yet, but I'm thinking Bella. Goodbye my lovely readers. Cyber hugs for all!**


	15. My story

BPOV

I let all the memories flood my mind. Edward would find a way to explain them to his family.

_Five, crying in my room at night when I finally realized that I was never going to leave this terrible place._

_Six, planning my first escape. Spending weeks to plan it only to learn that the vampires had been watching my every move and knew my plans._

_Later that day, the first time I got punished for attempting to run away. The pain of the venom racing through my veins. The vampire sucking it back out, and then continuing to feed until I passed out._

_Eight, realizing that the only way I would ever have a chance was if I acted without plan. If I saw a chance I would take it immediately._

_Nine, when the vampires started to feed me and torture me with venom even when I didn't do anything._

_Going through my life, the vampires running out of room to feed on my arms and moving on to my legs and finally my head, while I slowly gave up on having even a remotely pleasant life, and just started to count down the days until my change._

But I had been lying, in a sense, for letting Edward see these memories. I had told him that I had faced worse pain-and that was true-but this was not it.

And with those thoughts I accidentally let some more thoughts slip through. The ones that actually featured more pain than this.

_Me, screaming on the ground of the forest after he left. Being forced to run harder and faster than I ever had all the way to the airport._

_Living in my numb shell, feeling only the pain in my chest even as Alec beat me so badly that I almost died._

_And then my thoughts turned to the pain that had come with seeing him…and knowing he would never be mine, that I would never be good enough for him._

_Him telling me that he loved me, and my all-consuming want to believe him._

_The kiss. How happy it made me, even though I knew it was probably just so he could convince me to be another distraction._

_The pain of knowing that he didn't mean any of this._

And that was as far as I could go. I broke down and started to cry; silently, I might add.

"Shh. Bella, it's okay." I vaguely heard Alice say before being aware of being moved.

And so I lay down on the cot she had put me on for the rest of my transformation.

JPOV (jasper's)

"It all started when she was seven." Edward started, and all my family turned to look at him.

He was silent for a moment, listening to thoughts and deciding how to sum them up.

"Bella first tried to run away when she was six. She spent weeks planning it. The vampires caught her before she had taken ten steps. They had been aware that she had been planning an escape and simply waited for her to try something.

"To punish her, she was bitten. They would let the venom spread for a few minutes and would then suck it back out, but would continue to feed until she passed out."

I could feel his pain at just hearing this. I tried to feel for Bella's pain from remembering, but was confused to see that she had hardly any. It seemed almost as if this weren't the worst thing she had gone through. As if she had gone through something a thousand times worse.

"She finally learned that if she wanted any chance at escaping, she wouldn't be allowed a chance to plan. She would just have to see and react, or the vampires would see what she was up to.

"Then, when she was nine, the vampires started biting, torturing, and feeding even when she did nothing wrong." He ended this statement with a growl. I pitied him. I would be reacting the same way if Alice had gone through this.

"Eventually she gave up trying to escape. She stopped fighting when they would bite her. She became used to the pain.

"The vampires fed so much that they ran out of places to bite on her arms and moved to her legs, and then head.

"And then she was in a forest…" His narration cut off abruptly. I wondered why but then figured that this was something meant for only Edward to see.

And then the pain that he had been feeling was multiplied ten-fold. I wondered what could have happened to Bella that would cause him to react.

But then I started to feel Bella's pain. It was at least three times Edward's. And that was just from remembering the pain. I felt my legs give out as her pain just got worse and worse, taking Edward's with it.

I just barely registered Alice taking Bella from Edward through my haze of pain.

After that Alice banned Edward from seeing Bella for the rest of her transformation.

Everyone but me pounced on Edward asking him what had happened. I knew he would never want to talk about something like that. I was proven correct when he left the room shortly after that.

**A/N: So there you go. It will get better and less angsty (is that even a word) soon. I hope I'll be able to update over the holidays, but I can't make any promises. **

**~school-is-my-purgatory**


	16. Questions, contests, and understanding

BPOV

I felt as the fire slowly made it's way towards my heart, draining itself out of every other body part. I listened as it slowly came to a stop. I was afraid to open my eyes because I knew exactly what would occur when I did.

But I knew I was fighting the inevitable. I sighed in resignation and opened my eyes. For the first half a second I was alone, then my room full. Alice and Emmett were standing closest. I looked anxiously around until my eyes locked with Edward's. It calmed me down for a second.

Carlisle diverted my attention by stepping forward.

"Bella! How are you feeling? Are you thirsty?" I thought about that last statement before answering. I knew that I was supposed to be thirsty; Aro had taught me absolutely everything there was to know about how you felt after the change.

And I was thirsty, but it was supposed to be all you could think about, and hear I was puzzling over my old lessons. Still, I'm sure it would do me good to hunt.

"Yes, sir." Edward hissed, and it took me about an eighth of a second to realize why that would have aggravated him and for me to remember that I didn't have to talk like that anymore. They couldn't hurt me. Oops, I guess old habits die hard.

"Actually, I am, but not nearly as much as I should be." I said, modifying my sentence now that I could.

"Let's go hunting." Alice said, stepping forward. I looked in Edward's direction, hoping he would come too, but he was looking at the floor. I sighed and grabbed Alice's hand.

We ran through the castle, not seeing anyone else. Soon we were in the forest surrounding Volterra. Instinctually, I let my mental shield reach out and feel for animals.

"There's a herd of deer nearby." Alice said, "See if you can find them."

I knew what she was talking about. I could feel them a couple hundred yards to the west, but I took off running the other way, sensing a bear.

Alice seemed surprised, but followed after me. I realized that I was running at least twice as fast as her. I slowed down to match her stride. I could smell the bear, but was surprised yet again to find myself extremely coherent. The bloodlust seemed to have o effect on me.

Apparently Alice couldn't smell the bear yet because she was looking at me, confused.

Before long though, she was able to smell it too, and then she looked at me in shock.

I saw a movement up ahead and took to the trees. Within seconds I was directly above the bear, and then I was on his back.

He never had a chance.

A few minutes later I was running back to Volterra with Alice hot on my heels.

I had just come into view when the Cullens bombarded me. Emmett grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back. Rosalie was helping Emmett and Jasper had my legs.

It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable.

"Hey. I'm really wondering what's going on and if it's possible, could you guys let me go?" I said, trying not to sound as miffed as I was.

Jasper looked at me in shock. "You aren't about to attack anyone?"

I was now officially confused. "No, well at least I wasn't, but if you guys don't let me go soon, you might force my hand. This isn't nearly as comfortable as it looks, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't even look comfortable."

"You don't smell that?"

I was about to ask, smell what, but then I smelt it. It was a scent way better than the bear, but just like with the bear, I didn't feel any uncontrollable bloodlust.

"I do smell something. I'm sure it's human, but really. It's quite manageable." I said looking back at him, making sure that my emotions backed me up.

He looked confused but signaled to Emmett to let me go.

"Ah," I sighed, once my arms were free, "Much better. Come on. Let's go inside."

"Calm down guys. She's really not going to do anything." Alice said, bouncing at my elbow.

We walked back into the castle and continued on our path to the Cullen's room. As soon as I set foot inside I was bombarded with questions.

"Calm down everyone! I can't answer everyone's questions at once. Here, Carlisle, you get to go first."

"How did you control yourself so well around humans?" I raised my eyebrow in silent question. "Edward was keeping us updated throughout your hunt whenever Alice was in hearing range."

"Oh." It made sense, "I think it's just that I was prepared. I had heard so many stories about how much it hurt to smell blood and ignore it. I was ready. Also, when I was human, blood grossed me out. And I am kind of used to pain. Next question, Emmett."

"Yes!" He said, "How did you get so fast?" I was about to ask him how he knew that until I remembered how shocked Alice had been. Edward would have picked up on that.

"Well, Emmett. I've been in training for fourteen years so that when I was changed, I would be like a super vampire. I was put through vigorous training in combat, running, weightlifting, the supernatural, language, and even talents. I was made so that I would be the best vampire in every subject."

Emmett scoffed, "You mean the second best. I will always be stronger than you."

"No offence, but there's no way you're a better fighter than me." Jasper said.

"And I'll be the fastest runner." Edward couldn't help but tack on.

I smiled wryly. "Would you like to test that, boys?"

"You're on." Emmett said.

"Okay." I said, clapping my hands. "An arm wrestling match for Emmett, a race for Edward, and just plain wrestling for Jasper. In that order."

"Let's do this." Emmett started walking towards the door leading outside.

"Um Emmett, where are you going?"

He turned around. "I'm going outside. You never know what kind of destruction we might cause."

"You mean we might break something belonging to the Volturi?" I said, being overly dramatic, putting my hand to my non-beating heart.

It took him a second, but he caught on. "I like the way you think little sis."

I smiled back. "It's a gift."

"Well then, to the table!" He shouted, making me laugh.

But then he was all seriousness. He braced his arm on the table, and I watched his muscles roll, unconcerned. I set my arm down across from his and we gripped hands.

"3…2…1…GO!!!" Alice called out, and Emmett pushed against my hand. I could tell he was trying incredibly hard, so I decided to have some fun. I scrunched my eyebrows together and made it look as though I was straining. A look of intense concentration came across my face. I let my arm slowly drop towards the table.

Emmett grinned and I almost grinned back. Edward, Alice, and Jasper tried to keep from laughing. They all knew what was going on. I let my arm lose another inch.

"See little Bella? No one can beat Emmett." I let a look of horror slide in to replace the concentration. Then I replaced that with determination. I 'strained' more against his hand and let our hands stay still for a second. I made my arm shake. In the background, Alice was letting everyone else in on the secret.

"You ready to lose little sis?" Emmett said, ready to give a final shove.

"Not quite." I said. Emmett was obviously surprised that my voice showed no signs of exertion. I let my façade drop. I flexed just slightly and our hands were even again. I smirked as Emmett looked at me. The rest of the family laughed.

"You're going down Emmett." I flexed again and brought Emmett's hand within a centimeter of the tabletop. I gave him a second to realize that he was going to lose and then I pushed his hand down the rest of the way.

He growled and pounced playfully at me. I waited until he was an inch away, and then I moved. I was suddenly sitting in his old chair as he landed in my old chair.

"So, who's next? Ah, Jasper." He too started towards the door until he realized that I wasn't following him. He smirked when he realized I wanted to do this inside too.

"Don't go easy on me." I said, "You're going to need all the skill you have." I may have never attacked a vampire, but I had watched multiple fights, and I was a visual learner. I was confident that I would win.

"1…2…3…GO!!!" Alice called again.

Jasper was skilled I would give him that. I could see why Aro wanted him and how he had survived so long in the newborn wars. He didn't give away what he was going to do until he did it, but I was just too fast and strong for him.

He leapt for my head and I whirled around, coming up behind him. His back was left unprotected. I jumped and landed on his back. My teeth were at his neck. It had lasted about one second.

"You weren't trying your hardest." I pouted, "Do you not think I can handle it?"

He laughed, "Not anymore little sister." He leapt again, hoping for the advantage of surprise but it was a trick Alec had tried since I was six. I was already on the ground, rolling under him. I knew the move I had used before wouldn't work this time.

Within seconds he had whirled around, and then we were attacking again. The fight went on for another minute before a feeling of utter hopelessness came over me. It took me about two seconds to realize that Jasper was using his power.

"You asked for it." I murmured. And then I was using my new skill- making my shield solid-and Jasper was becoming quite disoriented. I was making small shields all over that he kept running into. Within seconds I was back in position, with my teeth at his neck.

"Told you." I laughed, looking at his shocked face. "Edward's turn." I sang. "And we have to go outside for this one."

"You may have beat us, but Edward is the fastest vampire around." Emmett said, desperate for proof that I wasn't invincible.

"We'll see." I said, and followed Edward outside. Emmett took off into the forest.

"Okay." Alice said, walking up, "The first person to get to Emmett wins. 3…2…1…GO!!!"

We took off and I let Edward pull ahead, but then I casually caught up and then I was in front. I let him stay just behind for a while to give him false hopes but then I took off as fast as I could. I gave a startled laugh as I ran faster than I ever had before. It was fantastic. Sadly I could see Emmett up ahead and then the race was over.

I laughed as I saw that I was still shocking my family after all I'd done. Edward was a much better sport than Emmett or Jasper and came up to congratulate me.

"Race everyone back to the castle!" I called as I took off, but I grabbed Edward's hand first. We were running hand in hand through the forest. I smiled at him and he smiled back. We reached the castle long before everyone else.

"Bella." Edward said, and I sighed.

"Yes, Edward." I said.

"I meant what I told you earlier. I do still love you. I know how to prove it to you. Your shield is so powerful. You said that you can feel people's mind, so do you think that you might be able to read thoughts if you tried hard enough?"

I thought about it for a second. "Well, I'm doubtful, but what do I have to lose?" I spread my shield out over Edward and felt his spark. I blocked out everything else out. I focused only on his mind.

And then I was in.

I must have gasped because I could hear it through his thoughts. Suddenly I was bombarded by memories. I saw myself as a human through his eyes. I saw just how much he loved me. And he did love me. I was sure now. I felt my grip on his mind slipping and I let it go. I had learned what I needed to.

"You love me." Were the first words out of my mouth as I came back to myself.

"Truly I do." He said, smiling a breathtaking smile. I wanted to kiss him, but just then his family came back. I wanted to yell at Emmett for ruining our moment, but he didn't know any better. So instead I just smiled-more like grimaced-at him.

Edward grabbed my hand as we walked back inside, and I held on tight, and everything seemed right with the world.

And then we opened the door.

"Hello dearest Bella." Aro said, "I was wondering where you were."

**A/N: Okay so there you go. The next chapter should be the last ****. I didn't put in a big explanation on what Bella looks like, how clear her vision is, and all that other stuff because you already know that. Just be happy.**

**I'm putting up a poll to see what story I should do next: a role reversal on Twilight or a Maximum Ride and Twilight crossover where Bella is 75% vampire 23% human and 2% bird. Vote.**

**This is the longest chapter I ever wrote, so be appreciative. Reveiws are love. Cyber Hugs, Yada yada yada. You know the drill. Go VOTE!!!**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!**

**~School-is-my-purgatory**


	17. Confrontations and endings

"Hello Aro." I replied evenly, though I really just wanted to kill him there. The Cullen's hadn't seen me fight my hardest. I was just playing then.

"If you would follow me to the throne room, I let you play with the Cullens earlier, but now there are some very serious matters to discuss."

"Of course." I said, following.

We walked down the hallway and the Cullens followed, like I knew they would. I didn't even bother telling them to leave; I knew they wouldn't.

We walked in and I easily approached the thrones that used to intimidate me so much.

"Bella," Aro began, "Your first mission as a vampire is to go take care of a newborn that has gotten out of control in South America. You leave in ten minutes, so say goodbye to your family and let's go."

"No." I said looking right up into his eyes. He didn't intimidate me anymore.

"Pardon?" He asked, not believing that I was rebelling against him.

"I know you heard me, Aro. I won't go. You don't control me anymore. I am no longer a weak human. I have my own free will. I'm a person too. You don't seem to realize that, and I could never respect you for that. I am going to walk out of this castle, and I'm going to go home. You will not bother me again."

"Home?" He laughed, "You have no home. You have no family. You will be a sitting duck. And since when do you make the orders around here?"

Alice stepped forward. "We are her family. We always have been. Her home is with us and we will protect her with our lives."

I wanted to thank Alice for that, and I would. Now was just not the time.

"Bella won't be going anywhere." Aro said, "I am practically her father, and I raised her. She is what she is because of me. She belongs to me."

I cut him off with a growl. "I belong to no one. Carlisle is my father. You have deluded yourself, thinking I would actually stay here once given the choice to leave."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong. I'm not giving you the option of leaving. There is no choice. In fact, if I have you, I have a feeling I will gain other members of the guard as well."

He was talking about Alice and Edward of course. I couldn't believe how big this man had allowed his head to get. I was leaving and there was nothing he could do about it.

"We're leaving and there's nothing you can do about it." Ah, Emmett. The one who's brave enough to say what everyone else is thinking.

We started to walk to the doors leading outside.

"Demetri." Aro called, snapping his fingers.

"Keep walking." I said, motioning the Cullens on.

I whirled around just as Demetri pounced. I threw him against the wall, and then let my mental shield fan out. I focused on turning it solid.

Within seconds it was impenetrable. I watched as the members of the guard threw themselves against my shield, only to be thrown back again.

"Aro, advice for next time. Never make an invincible weapon without insuring that it will be loyal to you. Torturing them all their lives hardly ensures that they'll stay. In fact, it will make them leave the first chance they get, like me. I'm out."

And I walked out the door. It was so easy. I couldn't believe that I was finally free. I could do whatever I wanted. No one would hurt me again.

I laughed at the elation of that thought, and on a second thought, kissed Edward right on the mouth, in front of everyone. I didn't let it go too far, we were in public, but the best part about that decision was that I made it myself. I smiled and pulled away.

"Come on, love. Let's go home." Edward said as we looked for the perfect car to steal in order to get to the airport.

Eventually we spotted a fast sports car. I don't know cars so I had no idea what this one was, but it was fast and had a full tank of gas, so we all piled in and set off.

~*~*~

When we got back to the Cullen house, Edward and I were allowed to move into the small cottage outside that Alice and Jasper were going to live when everyone was all depressed. They wouldn't be needing that anymore.

We moved everything in there, and the rest of the family went inside, giving us some alone time. We caught up on everything that had happened when we were apart, and shared some funny stories.

And I knew that no matter what happened, as long as I was with Edward, nothing really mattered. I was perfectly fine with never dying. Edward was my heaven, and I'd already been through hell.

Didn't someone who didn't earn hell, but ended up there anyways, deserve a chance in heaven too?

**A/N: So there you go. I'm done. Wow. I'm now closing the poll. Apparently I'm now making a role reversal. That should be fun. Thanks for all the support over time. You all ROCK!**

**~School-is-my-purgatory**


	18. goodbye

Hey. It's me. Yeah, I know. I'm not supposed to have an author's note as a chapter, but I need to do this.

I had another epiphany. I'm too addicted to FanFiction. That's right. It's tragic. I've been spending so much time on FanFiction that I can't think about anything else. Ever. And I'm a Christian, so my life should be centered on GOD, not stories online that talk about vampires.

So, this is goodbye. Not for forever, but for a _long time_. I'm not reading or writing any more FanFiction. For a whole year. I'm discontinuing my stories, because even once I come back, I'll be so changed that I doubt I'll be able to continue them.

Anyone who wants to can adopt my stories, or write sequels. You don't have to tell me you're going to, just go ahead. I'm not going to delete them, but I won't change them either.

This is such a fantastic website, I wish I didn't have to do this.

On a second note, I have a friend reading this who I haven't been completely honest with. I'm not going to call her by name, but I'm going to give her a hint. I showed her FanFiction, and then guided her to my stories, not telling her they were mine.

Here's how you'll know if I'm talking about you. Go to my profile (top of the page, click on the link of my pen name) and look at the poem I have posted there, specifically who wrote it. You'll know what I mean if it's you.

Thank you all for being so awesome and writing such wonderful stories. I'll miss them all.

Adieu,

School-is-my-pugatory


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